Article of the Month

Ask Me No Questions and I’ll Tell You Know Lies
Sep 6, 2019

By Linda Jacobs

Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies Children of divorce have a lot of questions to ask but many times they don’t know whom to ask. If or when they do get up the courage to ask their questions, many are told lies. Or maybe they aren’t really lies but “half-truths.” Children need the truth– not lies or made up stories.

Middle School Aged Children and Divorce
Aug 12, 2019

By Linda Ranson Jacobs

Do Some Middle School Aged Kids Do Better When It Comes to Dealing With Divorce? Recently I had a middle school teacher ask me a question that proved to be fairly thought provoking. I wanted to share his question and my thoughts toward his question.

Ask Me No Questions and I’ll Tell You No Lies
Jul 11, 2019

By Linda Ransom Jacobs

Unfortunately children of divorce have a lot of questions to ask but many times they don’t know whom to ask. When they do ask, many are told lies or maybe not really lies but half-truths. Children need the truth not lies or made up stories.

When Nothing Was Right
Jun 11, 2019

By Linda Ranson Jacobs

One time I was working with the cutest little single parent family. There were three children. Michael was the middle child in between two bossy sisters. One morning he was really grouchy. Nothing was right. His clothes bothered him. He didn’t like his breakfast. His paper kept moving around when he was trying to draw a picture. He was mad at both sisters and people were just getting in his way and bothering him.

3 Tips for Women on a Rough Rode
May 13, 2019

By Gail Cawley Showalter

Potholes are ugly nuisances and can really make travel unpleasant. Life can be like a rough road. Pot holes and bumps make it difficult to see ahead. I know. I’ve hit my share of those ugly things. So what can you do to make your path a little smoother?

How to Accept Life on Lifes Terms
Apr 7, 2019

By Gail Cawley Showalter

Radio Spot as aired on KLBT 88.1 This message is to me. I need it as much as anyone. I know how I want things to go. I know how I like life to be. And yet. . . well, it doesn’t always go the way I’d like.

Setting Boundaries in Relationships
Mar 7, 2019

By Judy H. Wright

Setting personal boundaries are like identifying the gates in our invisible fence lines which protects the precious heart and soul inside our bodies.

The Divorce Battle-No Winners
Dec 12, 2018

By Robyn Besemann

I don’t know about you, but this pictures hurts my heart on many levels.  The mom and dad are yelling at each other with great anger in their eyes and gestures, while the boy is devastated sitting in this battle that could shatter his life.

Super Single Moms
Nov 13, 2018

By Robyn Besemann

When someone says “single mom”, what is the first thing that pops into your head?  Fatigue? Responsibility? Stress?  Strength?  Was your mom a single mom?  Are YOU a single mom?

Co-Parenting That Hurts Kids
Oct 29, 2018

By Linda Ranson Jacobs

Co-parenting among divorcing couples is becoming more popular. For many children this is a good thing. This means they get to have both parents making life-long decisions for their welfare. It means children can still have family connections with both sides of the family.

Out of the Tunnel
Oct 9, 2018

By Robyn Besemann

Have you ever felt like you were stumbling around in a tunnel and didn’t know how to get out of it? Maybe you are unemployed and can’t seem to find a good job. Maybe you have been in depression for so long that you don’t know any other way to live. Maybe you have isolated yourself in your home and are afraid to step out in the sun and truly live with a higher quality of life.

Helping Kids Cope With Tragedy
Sep 5, 2018

By Wayne Stocks

When it comes to tragedy, it is important to remember that life presents us with a series of teachable moments for our kids. Some of those are not very stressful, and some are tragic. As parents, and those who work with kids, we need to make sure that we don’t let these teachable moments slip away in the process of dealing with a tragedy.

Helping Suicidal Children
Aug 1, 2018

By Barbara W. Wright, LPC, CCPS, and Linda Ranson Jacobs

Valuable insights on the issue of suicide in elementary-age children Almost all the research that’s been done on suicidal youth is done with teens. Yet we know that latency-age children can have suicidal feelings and some actually kill themselves.

What Do I Do When One of My Parents Doesn’t Want Me to Love the Other?
Jun 4, 2018


If you ever wonder if it’s ok to love both of your parents after a divorce or separation, the answer to this question is simple: YES You absolutely have the right to love both of your parents no matter what happened in their relationship with one another.

Should I Tell My Parents How I Feel?
May 7, 2018


Following the divorce or separation of your parents, your relationship with them may feel distant or strained.  It may be the case that you have been angry with them and have intentionally avoided them causing your relationship to suffer. 

How will you honor a single mom on Mother’s Day?
May 2, 2018

By Linda Jacobs

Mother’s Day is coming up. Have you thought much about how you might honor the single mothers in your congregation? For me personally, Mother’s Day was one of the hardest days of celebration when my kids weren’t with me. I know other single moms who feel the same way. Many single moms purposefully don’t attend church on Mother’s Day when they don’t have their kids because it hurts too much.

Love, family and single moms
Apr 9, 2018

By Gail  Showalter

After an unwelcome and heart breaking divorce I moved in with my 71-year-old, widowed mother. She was a good sport and a great help. In the mornings she helped get kids ready for school and me off to work. As I left I’d say, jokingly, “You make a good wife.” We had redesigned our family. Families come in all shapes, sizes, and shades.

Anyway by Mother Teresa
Mar 15, 2018


If you know the story of Mother Teresa, you know that she experienced the worst of this world can throw at people. Despite that, she remained focus and determined to the very end and helped innumerable people in the process. Sometimes life has a way of getting us down no matter how hard we try. This short but inspirational poem from Mother Teresa reminds us why it is important to always persevere.

Do children experience “stages” of divorce?
Feb 12, 2018

By Linda Jacobs

For years, people who work with children of divorce have wondered what the stages of grief are for these kids. One children’s minister asked me, “How can I help a child of divorce when I don’t know what the stages of grief are? Explain them to me, please.”

What Is Custody And Visitation?
Jan 23, 2018


H4HK FAQs are designed to answer questions kids and teens ask when facing difficult situations and circumstances in their lives.

Post-Divorce Holiday Tips for Newly Divorced Parents
Nov 12, 2017

By Alexis Hall

The holidays can be difficult after a major life change like divorce. If you are splitting custody of your children, you may find yourself alone during a time when you used to be together as a family. Facing the season post-divorce is bound to be difficult, but it doesn’t have to be miserable. With the right attitude and enough motivation, you can make the holidays a positive experience this year.

Divorce Through Their Eyes – The Baseball Game
Oct 10, 2017


When God first called me into this ministry, I have to say that it didn’t make any sense to me. I am not a child of divorce, not have I been divorced myself. Nonetheless, I began to research the impact of divorce on kids and resonate with much of what I was reading.

Broken: The impact of divorce on children—and 4 ways to ease their pain
Sep 5, 2017

By Brian Dollar

Most of us have witnessed a divorce within our congregations; many of us have seen it up close and personal in our own families. It doesn’t matter how big or small the church is, divorce goes well beyond affecting just the parents and children involved. It affects their extended family, it affects all the people they are serving with, and it affects the people they may be leading.

Feeling trapped in a blended family
Aug 14, 2017

By Linda Jacobs

When I was a little kid, we had these fascinating contraptions called Japanese finger traps. I believe they are also called Chinese finger puzzles or Chinese finger cuffs. This novelty toy is a lot of fun for kids. The finger trap is a cylinder-like device. When you put a finger in each end and try to pull your fingers out, the cylinder tightens up. The more you struggle to get out of a finger trap, the more stuck you become, and the more trapped you feel.

Top Ten Tips for Co-Parenting- Part 10
Aug 5, 2017

By Krista Smith-Larson

Continue to celebrate your children! Birthdays, Holidays, school performances, school sports, dance recitals and sports events are still very important to your children.

Spiritual Gardening
Jul 17, 2017

By Mark Steiner

Nurturing one plant at a time Imagine the delight of a gardener carrying hard-earned baskets of carrots, tomatoes, beans, or potatoes into the house. The diligent labor—preparing the soil, planting the seeds, and cultivating the plants—is finally rewarded when family and friends sink their teeth into the fresh produce. Nothing is more satisfying.

Summer months are very complicated for the child of divorce
Jun 27, 2017

By Linda Jacobs

Summer months can become very sticky, messy, and complicated for mothers, fathers, and children in divorced families. Divorce decrees can mandate that when school is out, and the children visit the other parent for extended periods of time. They may stay several weeks or even all summer with the other parent. In places with year-round school, the children might stay with the other parent each track-out time.

Helping Preschool Aged Children With Divorce
May 17, 2017

By Wayne Stocks

WRITTEN BY WAYNE STOCKS I recently received correspondence from a young woman who is going through a divorce. She has young children aged three and five. The five-year old in particular is having issues with the divorce but burying her feelings deep inside. This article is adapted from my reply to her on how to help preschool aged children adapt to and deal with the divorce of their parents.

How long does it take a child to recover from the divorce of their parents?
Mar 13, 2017

By Linda Jacobs

The answer to this question can get complicated. Many divorcing parents think their children will get over the divorce fairly quickly. But what parents need to realize is while the adult life might go on and they will find a new partner, the children will never find another parent. The two parents will always be their parents.

Top Ten Tips for Co-Parenting- Part 5
Mar 6, 2017

By Krista Smith-Larson

Be the Adult. Do not put your children in the place of your caretaker/counselor. Allow your children to be children.

The Bible and Children of Divorce
Mar 5, 2017

By Wayne Stocks

When it comes to the issue of the children of divorce, the Bible is silent. Trust me! I looked. The question then becomes, why?

Top Ten Tips for Co-Parenting- Part 4
Feb 6, 2017

By Krista Smith-Larson

Hold your Tongue. Do not argue in front of your children…period. Heated conversations regarding schedules, finances or personal issues should take place on the phone when your children are not around.

Where Did He Go?
Jan 23, 2017

By Linda Jacobs

The teacher looked on, as 4-year old Elsa clung to her mom and screamed, “Don’t weave me, Mommy. Please don’t weave me.” The teacher was confused because little Elsa had always loved coming to her Sunday school class. Mom seemed at a loss as to how to comfort Elsa and get her into the class. The teacher gradually moved into the scene, and with her calm and soft voice, she was able to distract Elsa from her mother.

Top Ten Tips for Co-Parenting- Part 3
Jan 5, 2017

By Krista Smith-Larson

Be Flexible. Be willing to alter the visitation schedule. Consistency is usually always the best policy except if being flexible makes it more possible for your children to develop a better relationship with their other parent.

Children of divorce and the holidays little people at the big people’s table
Dec 9, 2016

By Linda Jacobs

When I was growing up we would go to my grandmother’s for different holiday events. I remember at Christmas when the entire family including all our cousins would come together there were always two eating areas. One was in the kitchen at the kitchen table and that is where all the kids or as my grandfather would say, “the little people”, would eat. At the nice dining room table with all the food is where the big people sat.

Top Ten Tips for Co-Parenting-Part2
Dec 4, 2016

By Krista Smith-Larson

Be Open Encourage your child to communicate. It is so important for them to feel safe and free to share whatever feelings they may have.

Ways to help the angry child of divorce be thankful at Thanksgiving
Nov 10, 2016

By Linda Jacobs

Many times the child of divorce doesn’t comprehend the idea of being grateful. As a matter of fact many children of divorce get angry over the holidays. Being thankful is not on their minds at all. Even if you are teaching about being thankful, they may not understand the concept because of the anger they are experiencing.

Top Ten Tips for Co-Parenting-Part 1
Nov 4, 2016

By Krista Smith-Larson

Show Love Clearly communicate that your child is loved. Children have a remarkable ability to heal when given the support and love they need. Your words, actions and abilities to remain consistent are all important tools to reassure your children of your unchanging love.

4 Tips to Leading a Child to Christ
Oct 26, 2016

By David Rausch

There are few things as amazing as praying with a kid to become a Christian, but for some people, the thought of it is terrifying. Questions might swirl through your head. How do I do it? What should I avoid? Is it possible I could mess this thing up? It’s understandable that some people might feel nervous about walking a kid through such a huge spiritual milestone, but fear not! By the grace of God, you can do it! Here’s a few suggestions to help you along the way:

Teaching kids of divorce the value of money
Oct 3, 2016

By Linda Jacobs

Many pastors preach on finances from the pulpit. Some churches have financial advisors to assist people in their congregation. Helping families budget is important, and helping children understand the value of money can be part of that education.

How To Have A Strategy For Your Life
Sep 20, 2016

By Gail Cawley Showalter

Boundaries Are Strategic Businesses have strategic plans. A strategic plan is a deliberate and intentional plan for each step of a business or endeavor. I find that women are more likely to go through life letting things happen to them than they are making intentional plans. As I look back I must admit that I lived through most of my life in default mode. I just took life as it came, almost thinking I had no choices.

What Your Child Wants Most Is To Freely Love Both Parents
Sep 11, 2016

By Shannon R. Rios, MS LMFT

Each time your child hears a negative comment about someone they love (or are biologically a part of), their light dims just a little until they are really upset inside. When your child is upset on the inside, they act out on the outside.

How to help the child of divorce who has been gone all summer
Aug 16, 2016

By Linda Jacobs

Summer is almost over in many places. You probably have a lot of kids getting excited about the new school year. You are going to see kids wearing some of their new clothes to church. You might see some of them experimenting with a new backpack or notebook. You’ll hear talk of who gets what teacher and how excited they are or how disappointed they are that their best friend is not in their class this year.

Seven Beatitudes for Successful Co-Parenting – Part 7
Aug 3, 2016


Be Healed Jer. 17:14 Heal me, O Lord, and I will be healed, save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise. James 5:16 Confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another, so that you may be healed.

Seven Beatitudes for Successful Co-Parenting – Part 6
Jul 20, 2016


Be A Team Eccles. 4:9-12 Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work. If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and no one to help him up…Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

Seven Beatitudes for Successful Co-Parenting – Part 5
Jun 22, 2016


Be Near Ruth 1:16-18 But Ruth replied, Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything but death separates you and me.”

How will you handle Fathers Day and the child of divorce?
Jun 14, 2016

By Linda Jacobs

“Can you believe he didn’t even come to his own granddaughter’s graduation?” With fire in her eyes my friend continued with, “He didn’t even bother to call or send a card. What’s wrong with a man like that?”

Seven Beatitudes For- Successful Co-Parenting Part 4
May 26, 2016


Be Perceptive Exod. 2:4-8 Moses’ sister stood at a distance to see what would happen to him. Then Pharaoh’s daughter went down to the Nile to bathe and her attendants were walking along the riverbank.

Is it possible to stop generational divorce?
May 19, 2016

By Linda Jacobs

Are you aware divorce in a family can be generational? What do I mean by that? Let me give you an example. Grandma and Grandpa Smith divorce early in their marriage. Most generally the mother rears the children in a single parent family. Or she marries quickly and that marriage ends in divorce. The children grow up, get married and they end up divorced. The grandchildren of the Grandma and Grandpa Smith have marriages that end in divorce also.

Mothers Day
May 3, 2016

By Linda Jacobs

How are you honoring the moms of kids in single parent families in your church?

How to Wait with Expectancy
Apr 3, 2016

By Gail Cawley Showalter

Gail is a Women’s Transition Coach and her stories have been published in several Christian books and magazines.

How to Make Spring Break Fun for Your Children
Mar 3, 2016

By Gail Showalter

Why Families Need To Have Fun! If a child is to keep alive his inborn sense of wonder, he needs the companionship of at least one adult who can share it, rediscovering with him the joy, excitement and mystery of the world we live in. — Rachel Carson

Top Ten Things You Should Do When You Become Separated (Part 10)
Jan 13, 2016

By Krista Smith

There will come a time during your separation when you will need to seek out some legal help. The best way to find someone you can trust is word of mouth referrals. Ask around, check them out and make an appointment. Whether you follow through with this at this time is not the point. The point is to be prepared and not allow the fear to inhibit you from protecting yourself.

Up, Up, and Away
Jan 4, 2016

By Robyn Besemann

Do you remember that song by the Fifth Dimension, waaaaay back in the 60’s, called “Up, Up, and Away?” The lyrics talked about the freedom of soaring high in a beautiful hot air balloon.

Positive traits of kids in single parent homes
Jan 4, 2016

By Linda Jacobs

Recently I was leading a single parent retreat. At the beginning of the retreat I put up a poster titled, “My Child’s Positives” along with a sharpie attached to the paper. The instructions were at any time during the retreat they could go to the poster and list their children’s positive traits. While this might sound like a simple request for any parenting in a two-parent home, it is not always easy for divorcing parents.

Dec 13, 2015

By Linda Jacobs

It’s obvious. Christmas is a hard time of year for children of divorce. Traditions are disrupted. Visitation disrupts their schedules. What should you expect as you interact with one of these children in the context of your ministry?

Dec 7, 2015

By Robyn Besemann

Do you think your past experiences have given you a filter so you might not see things clearly as they are? Do you see marriage with a filter of your own broken relationships? Do you see happy families through the filter of your own broken family? Do you see others’ financial success through your own filter of money problems, which can raise envy and jealousy in your mind?

Top Ten Things You Should Do When You Become Separated (Part 9)
Dec 2, 2015

By Krista Smith

Your financial situation can be one of the most fearful things during this time. Just the thought of it scares you. In 9 out of 10 cases the fear is worse than the truth. Take the time and figure some things out. It may not be as bad as you think.

Nov 23, 2015

By Linda Jacobs

Many children in our world today have bad attitudes. These attitudes affect how parents, teachers, and church leaders treat them.

Nov 13, 2015

By Robyn Besemann

Look at the precious face of this child as she holds the pretty gift and anticipates what is inside of it. Look at her eyes. They say to me, “Thank you Grandma. I love you. I know you love me.”

Top 10 Things You Should Do When You Become Separated (Part 7)
Oct 1, 2015

By Krista Smith

One of the most important things you can do for yourself is to find others to support and encourage you. I have had a lot of personal experience with one organization in particular and I highly encourage you to check it out.

Top 10 Things You Should Do When You Become Separated (Part 6)
Sep 3, 2015

By Krista Smith

We have made it half way through our Top 10. Hopefully you are being challenged and the chaos is calming as you have been able to take control of some very important areas. As we look at #6, please keep in mind that you are the only one in control of your own boundaries. You may not be able to change the circumstances around you, but you are able to control whether or not you are going to allow those circumstances affect your life. Here are some things to consider.

Top 10 Things You Should Do When You Become Separated (Part 5)
Aug 3, 2015

By Krista Smith

I realize that not everyone reading this blog will have children. But this one is important enough to list anyway. One of the largest tragedies that happen when our families suffer through divorce is how it affects our loved ones, mostly our children, innocent victims of situations they have no control of.

Top 10 Things You Should Do When You Become Separated (Part 4)
Jul 3, 2015

By Krista Smith

One of the things I want to be sure to express is that I have been exactly where you are at and I know what you are feeling. I have not only experienced my own divorce but I have led a DivorceCare group for 9 years and have worked one on one with separated/divorced people for over 18 years now. Believe me, if I have not experienced it, I have walked alongside people who have. I hope I can walk alongside you as well.

Top 10 Things You Should Do When You Become Separated (Part 3)
Jun 1, 2015

By Krista Smith

We are working down the list of the top 10 things you should do when you become separated. We are on #3 and have 7 more to go. I hope you know that I have experienced every single one of these and as hard as I have tried to do everything right, I have made mistakes.

Chains? What Chains?
May 9, 2015

By Robyn Besemann

Do you know why you have a difficult time trusting people? Do you know where your anger originated? Why do you seem to always feel like you are on the outside looking in? Why do your close relationships seem to crumble time after time?

Top 10 Things You Should Do When You Become Separated (Part 2)
May 4, 2015

By Krista Smith

I am doing a series of blogs on the top 10 things you should do when you become separated. Below is the 2nd thing on the list. Please read and keep your eyes open to special people who will stick closer than a friend.

10 Pitfalls of Divorce in a Digital World
Apr 20, 2015

By Sherri Donovan

Over the last 15 years, before the prevalence of email, Twitter and Facebook divorce has changed alot. Below are 10 things to consider if you are divorcing during this new “digital age.”

How Daylight Savings Time will affect kids of divorce more than it will affect you
Mar 3, 2015

By Linda Jacobs

Last fall I wrote in the article “What are the 2 most difficult days out of the entire year for the child of divorce” about internal body clocks and how when we change to or from daylight savings time that it affects the child’s internal body clock. That article is more about when we go off daylight savings time. Today I want to talk about when we switch to daylight savings time.

When Children Have Heart Attacks
Feb 26, 2015

By Linda Jacobs

For years children have told me their hearts hurt. When I ask them where it hurts, they will lay their little hands over their hearts and say, “It hurts right here.” You might say these little ones are having heart attacks. We don’t usually think about little children having a heart attack.

Single Parent Success Story
Jan 8, 2015

By Linda Jacobs

Success Story: Resilient single mom finds Jesus and turns her life around She showed up one Wednesday night a couple of years ago. There she sat all alone. We connected after the service and she started coming to our Single & Parenting group.

Should divorced parents be encouraged to spend Thanksgiving together?
Nov 23, 2014

By Linda Jacobs

A lot of people encourage divorcing parents to come together for a holiday like Thanksgiving. People think it is in the best interest of the children. The premise is to create the image of one big happy family. While that might seem to work for the adults for the most part it is not a good idea where the children are concerned.

Making life difficult for the child of divorce?
Aug 26, 2014

By Linda Jacobs

Do you make life difficult for the child of divorce? You might be surprised to learn you are doing that. Let me put this another way, do you dress the child of divorce in meaningless “garb”?